I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
