Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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