he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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