I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
