i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
