Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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