i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
