maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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