hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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