i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
