Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
