We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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