Cold hands, warm shart.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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