But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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