Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
