This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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