Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Randomize
