remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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