when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
