morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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