Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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