Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
