I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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