Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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