3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
