Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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