Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
