Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
