I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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