i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
