Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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