Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
