Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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