im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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