I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
