My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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