Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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