At least make sure they are 18
Why
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
