She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
