maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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