How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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