also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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