you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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