yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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