I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
