I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize