CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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