If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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