I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
