She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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