textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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