My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
