I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
