the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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