I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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