my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
