Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
