sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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